Breathing Life - Joshua Roy's Blog

My father in Law took occasion to share with me some sad news.  He told me of a man that he had known personally, who was now dead.  He had committed suicide. He explained to me that this death was a shock to everyone who knew him.  His reasons for committing suicide were unclear and the family was left to deal with the results.  His wife was distraught over the act, and was left to question the relationship, the family left behind and everything in their lives. While this created stress and hardship, there were other issues.  You see the man had two families.  He had divorced years earlier and the remarried.  He had children to his first marriage and also to his second. What increased the stress at this difficult time was the fact that the man did not have a will.  He did not have anything in place to protect and preserve his current wife and children.  He stated that the current wife had come to see him.  She was not only suffering grief from the loss of her husband, but the first wife had begun proceedings to secure the man’s inheritance. My father in law used this…

I was working with a client that was struggling with feeling resentment in her life.  I could see that there was work to do in establishing shared values, however for now it was necessary to create a kinesthetic strategy that would enable her to at least deal better on an emotional level. We worked together to create the following neurological bridge. There were four components. Resentment Active understanding Enduring patience Loving peace Once anchored into her nervous system, we were able to establish a new pattern of behaviour. This simply meant that instead of being stuck in feeling resentment, she would automatically wind up feeling loving peace. She was grateful of the changes caused and she felt now that she would have a different outcome when she fell into that emotion in the future. This process took about 20 minutes to establish. I tested the outcome and was pleased to hear that it worked wonderfully. (She was able to create each emotion in her body and the transitions through the various emotions was rapid. She was an incredible learner). Each of us runs strategies in our own lives. Dealing with negative emotions can be a real challenge to some, and this may…

The struggles of ADDICTION   I was working with a man who struggled to separate Love from Sex.  He described that both seemed to him to be one and the same.  He described that when he had sex he felt loved.  When he was rejected sexually, he felt unloved and/or unlovable.   Therefore he had a rule in his life that sex equalled love.  One of the fundamental needs that we have as human beings is the need to be loved.  This led him towards a sex addiction.  He thought that he wanted/needed sex, when he was actually wanting/needing love.  This is not uncommon for one with similar addictions.   Addiction can be very strong, and the roots of addiction very deep.   There is a prevalent thought in the world that “once an addict, always an addict”.  I choose to believe that this statement is completely false.  It is my experience that when an addict is shown another way, that addiction, or any addiction can be overcome.  When the addict chooses another way to meet the need inside themselves, and consistently follow this new way, life will change.  The person simply needs to attach enough pain to the addiction,…

Have you ever had someone have a breakdown in front of you?  It happened to me this week.  I was with a woman in her early 20’s and she had been given some terrible news.  I helped her to understand the news and what it meant for her, and how it would affect her life over the next several days.  She did not take the news well and showed this by her body language.  She began to weep and cry and say “What.  What.  That can’t be right.  I’ve done nothing wrong”.  She hysterically began to repeat the word “No”, over and over again. As I watched her behaviour I decided to use matching and mirroring. Immediately I copied her body language by crying.  I stood opposite to her, where she could see me and I held my arms up to my face just as she was doing.  I then said, “What.  I don’t know.  I just don’t know.  I don’t know what they will do.  I am new here”. When I was speaking I used the same distressed tone of voice that she had used when she spoke. The result was interesting.  At first I thought that she would…

The story teller informs us that we are to be like salt and light. Salt adds flavour to food, and it a key ingredient to ensure food tastes great.  Salt also preserves food and makes the food last.  If there is too much salt or no salt, food may be inedible. To be like salt in the world would therefore mean to allow ourselves to live overtly in that we enable others to learn of our lives, hopes and dreams.  Just as salt ads flavour and value to food, our lives should add value to others. A lamp or bulb should be placed in a prominent, unobstructed position in order to give light.  The story teller explains that one would not put a light under a bush. As I have considered how it is possible for a person living in these times, in our current world to be like salt and light, I have realised that the example of how we live and what we do from day to day speaks volumes if we are indeed living with purpose.  To hide our gifts and talents would be to live a covert life.   We should develop our talents and gifts, and…

I spoke with a young woman who has suffered Anxiety and Depression.  This may be circumstantial due to her current situation. Things will be changing for her in the near future and therefore we had a conversation about that future. First I asked if she could see a vision of the future. She responded that she could see it, and described herself in a car with friends singing away as loud as she could. They were all laughing and having a great time. (Vivid imagination – WOW). She sounded very happy as she described this scene. I asked her to continue to describe how she had felt and what she heard. She described feelings of joy and happiness. She described laughter and sounds of Joy. After listening I decided to see if I could assist her to enhance the scene in her mind. I asked her to make the picture she described as big as a house and bright like the sun. I asked her how this felt. She could hardly communicate with me as she imagined the picture enlarged and bright. I then asked her to turn up the sounds in her mind. The music, the laughter and the…

Tonight I concluded the fifth life coaching session with a client. Whilst he had made good progress, I was still striving to see a transformation occur in him. The work that I am interested in, is making changes at the unconscious level. We had communicated about and he had a good understanding at the conscious level yet he was boxed in by the boundary conditions of his own thinking. He was unable to apply the skills because the issue was not lack of skill. The issue was not lack of ability. He is a brilliant man. He has a great marriage and loving family. He experiences good health and high energy levels. He is in a good financial position. He came to me in relation to the only area of his life that he felt was lacking. This area was communication. He had learned throughout his life that if you work hard at any problem, it can be conquered. This approach had worked in all other areas of his life. Yet in this one area of his life, (communication) it seemed that it was not working. He was attentive and made notes. He was completely involved in the exercises that we did,…

In 2010 I looked at my stomach and thought it was time to regain my 6 pack abs.  I worked out like crazy and certainly this made a little difference however that little podgy belly continued to hang on.  I was 34 years old and thought to myself that this stomach was there to stay.  After many hours of exercises I realised that there was really nothing more coming off my stomach so I gave up, accepting that I would always have a fat belly.  After all I was heading toward my mid to late 30’s and how could I possibly have the fitness levels, or physique that I had as a younger man. Resigned to this fact I gave up on working out and slimness and instead began to bulk.  I decided to do weight lifting and to put on some muscle and size.  I greatly increased my food intake.  After doing this for a couple of years I had increased the size of my arms, chest and back considerably.  I also increased the size of my belly.  Then I got an injury on my right bicep and was unable to train for a time. I felt tired and…