Life can be emotionally challenging at times.  It can be hard to enjoy life when we feel like we have failed, or we feel like we let ourselves and others down.  One way to mitigate failure is to take fewer risks, or to take smaller risks.  One way to achieve this is by not trying.  Another way is to shrink and become insignificant.

When you have failed at something that you did not put much effort into, the failure seems to be not so bad.  The failure is half expected.  Limited emotional investment, is the unconscious minds natural built in protection against negative emotions.  When things are not going well, we will find a way to protect ourselves from intense negative emotions.  After all, the build up of these intense negative emotions can lead to depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions.  Our unconscious mind knows this and wants to help is.  This is achieved by shutting down the feeling component of our nature. The issue with the is that by shutting down our emotions and eliminating these negative feelings, our positive feelings are also affected.

One woman described her experience of life was like being a ‘zombi’.  She told me that she was just going through the motions.  She described her joy and energy in life as an act.  She described how her unconscious mind had set up a wall to protect and strengthen her. This wall was keeping her safe. This imaginary wall was allowing her to fail, act small, be self absorbed and unproductive in her life, and to not feel any negative feelings associated with this. This wall was also keeping out an abundance of positive feelings.

I asked her to have a conversation with her unconscious mind, and ask that part of her the explain the purpose of the wall.  Her unconscious mind revealed to her that the wall that it had created was there to keep her protected and strengthened.  I asked her to thank that part of herself for protecting her and keeping her strong.  I then asked her to ask that part of her if it would mind if the wall was to move behind her for a moment.  I emphasised that it was just for a moment, and that the wall could come back anytime it chose. (I did this to lower the resistance of this part of her).

I recognise that this part of her that created the wall was not bad, it was just overzealous.  I asked her to think of appropriate times in her life where it would be ok, to be kept protected and strengthened.  We then discussed how having the wall there permanently has been causing this ‘zombi’ like feeling she had previously described.

Through the conversation her unconscious mind agreed to have the wall stay out of her way and only to return when absolutely needed.  This took some time as this client was out of rapport with her unconscious mind.  She did not understand how her unconscious mind was serving and helping her.  Alternately her conscious mind was in turmoil due to the absence of strong positive emotions.  Now that they were in rapport, and understood the intention of the other, life could change.

This created a situation in which she could begin to feel again. She also had the comfort of knowing that that wall can return if she feels like she needs it.  My belief is that without the wall she will feel so good, especially as she learns to master her emotions through life Coaching, that eventually she will not want that wall to return hardly ever.

The wall was helpful for a time, yet now it was time for her to move forward.

In what ways have you shut down your emotions to protect yourself?