Breathing Life - Joshua Roy's Blog

I spoke with a teenage girl who stated that she is always fighting and getting into yelling arguments with others, including her mother, her cousin, and other people in her life.   Her justification for being confrontational is that she hates others telling her what to do.  This is an issue for her now in her life, yet in the future it could also be an issue if she someday works for a boss.  The reality is that most of us need to be able to respond appropriately when being told what to do.   I decided to do a process with her in which we considered her strategy for getting angry in communication.   I compared the strategy of getting angry with the strategy of baking a cake.   I explained her that if she wanted to bake a cake she would gather ingredients, order and sequence those ingredients, place it in the oven and wait for the cake to cook.  If those ingredients were incorrect, or the time in the oven was too short or too long then the cake would be a flop.  Too much opening of the oven door in anxious expectation, and the cake may…

I have done previous posts on matching and mirroring and in order to appreciate this post it would be a good idea for you to check out former posts.  I also have a video on my site in which I give two examples in building rapport using matching and mirroring. Sending a text message or email is a less effective communication strategy. This seems to be the preferred way for young people to communicate.  The reason this is less effective is because words alone can be significantly misinterpreted.  I recall sending a funny text once to a friend.  This text message was misinterpreted and the friend became offended.  You see all the person got was a written message.  I sent it as a joke, yet the receiver had no way of knowing that I was joking.  As I was writing the joke I said it in a funny way in my own head, and then laughed at how funny I thought the joke was.   Unfortunately the joke did not work and I can only assume that the person read with a very different tone in their mind.  I have wondered how the same message may have been received had…

My father in Law took occasion to share with me some sad news.  He told me of a man that he had known personally, who was now dead.  He had committed suicide. He explained to me that this death was a shock to everyone who knew him.  His reasons for committing suicide were unclear and the family was left to deal with the results.  His wife was distraught over the act, and was left to question the relationship, the family left behind and everything in their lives. While this created stress and hardship, there were other issues.  You see the man had two families.  He had divorced years earlier and the remarried.  He had children to his first marriage and also to his second. What increased the stress at this difficult time was the fact that the man did not have a will.  He did not have anything in place to protect and preserve his current wife and children.  He stated that the current wife had come to see him.  She was not only suffering grief from the loss of her husband, but the first wife had begun proceedings to secure the man’s inheritance. My father in law used this…

As a life coach it is imperative to be in PEAK condition.  By creating immense happiness in one’s own life, we inspire others to create it in theirs.  I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life, and this is because I constantly create a flood of positive emotions in my own body.   The old saying is true that “you cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is”.  In order to lift another person in the area of physical health and fitness, one would not choose a lazy coach.  Just as an athlete must fuel their body appropriately, so too should a life coach.    Just as one would expect a good financial adviser to be prosperous, one would expect that a life coach applies principles of financial success.  Furthermore just as a relationship expert should have strong relationships, so too should a life coach.  It is also relevant in the area of spirituality.  As we develop a strong spiritual life we can assist others to find their purpose in life and live into a bright and compelling future.   The best way to learn is to model behaviour.  The best…

I was working with a client that was struggling with feeling resentment in her life.  I could see that there was work to do in establishing shared values, however for now it was necessary to create a kinesthetic strategy that would enable her to at least deal better on an emotional level. We worked together to create the following neurological bridge. There were four components. Resentment Active understanding Enduring patience Loving peace Once anchored into her nervous system, we were able to establish a new pattern of behaviour. This simply meant that instead of being stuck in feeling resentment, she would automatically wind up feeling loving peace. She was grateful of the changes caused and she felt now that she would have a different outcome when she fell into that emotion in the future. This process took about 20 minutes to establish. I tested the outcome and was pleased to hear that it worked wonderfully. (She was able to create each emotion in her body and the transitions through the various emotions was rapid. She was an incredible learner). Each of us runs strategies in our own lives. Dealing with negative emotions can be a real challenge to some, and this may…

The struggles of ADDICTION   I was working with a man who struggled to separate Love from Sex.  He described that both seemed to him to be one and the same.  He described that when he had sex he felt loved.  When he was rejected sexually, he felt unloved and/or unlovable.   Therefore he had a rule in his life that sex equalled love.  One of the fundamental needs that we have as human beings is the need to be loved.  This led him towards a sex addiction.  He thought that he wanted/needed sex, when he was actually wanting/needing love.  This is not uncommon for one with similar addictions.   Addiction can be very strong, and the roots of addiction very deep.   There is a prevalent thought in the world that “once an addict, always an addict”.  I choose to believe that this statement is completely false.  It is my experience that when an addict is shown another way, that addiction, or any addiction can be overcome.  When the addict chooses another way to meet the need inside themselves, and consistently follow this new way, life will change.  The person simply needs to attach enough pain to the addiction,…

We all have a need to be loved.  This is one of the fundamental needs that each human being shares.  What happens when we feel unloved?  When we feel unloved, and this feeling is reinforced over time, we can find ourselves in a very lonely place.  The feeling of not being loved can lead to the making of negative choices.  When we feel unloved we may sabotage our relationships.  When we feel unloved we may act and behave in ways that are immature or inappropriate.  When we feel unloved and then “act out”, and doings so can cause us to feel even worse.   It is a very negative spiral. I had a conversation with a man who explained that when he felt unloved he would spiral into negative patterns and negative behaviours.  He struggled with addiction and found that his life had become unmanageable at certain times in his life.  Furthermore he found that this feeling of being unloved seemed to start a negative spiral.  Something negative would happen and he would respond by feeling that he was not loved.   While in that negative place he would feed his addiction in an attempt to feel better, and act inappropriately.  This…

Have you ever had someone have a breakdown in front of you?  It happened to me this week.  I was with a woman in her early 20’s and she had been given some terrible news.  I helped her to understand the news and what it meant for her, and how it would affect her life over the next several days.  She did not take the news well and showed this by her body language.  She began to weep and cry and say “What.  What.  That can’t be right.  I’ve done nothing wrong”.  She hysterically began to repeat the word “No”, over and over again. As I watched her behaviour I decided to use matching and mirroring. Immediately I copied her body language by crying.  I stood opposite to her, where she could see me and I held my arms up to my face just as she was doing.  I then said, “What.  I don’t know.  I just don’t know.  I don’t know what they will do.  I am new here”. When I was speaking I used the same distressed tone of voice that she had used when she spoke. The result was interesting.  At first I thought that she would…

The story teller informs us that we are to be like salt and light. Salt adds flavour to food, and it a key ingredient to ensure food tastes great.  Salt also preserves food and makes the food last.  If there is too much salt or no salt, food may be inedible. To be like salt in the world would therefore mean to allow ourselves to live overtly in that we enable others to learn of our lives, hopes and dreams.  Just as salt ads flavour and value to food, our lives should add value to others. A lamp or bulb should be placed in a prominent, unobstructed position in order to give light.  The story teller explains that one would not put a light under a bush. As I have considered how it is possible for a person living in these times, in our current world to be like salt and light, I have realised that the example of how we live and what we do from day to day speaks volumes if we are indeed living with purpose.  To hide our gifts and talents would be to live a covert life.   We should develop our talents and gifts, and…

Scientists’ look out into the universe and have been baffled by the mystery and expanse of space.  High powered telescopes continue to evolve and space appears to be unlimited.  Each time scientists reach the limits of the telescopic range, the question is posed, “What is beyond that”.  It would seem that space is infinite.  If there was an end or limit, what is on the other side of the outer limits? Consider one of the estimated 86 billion neurons in our brain.  Magnify on of these neurons 100 times.  What is found is more parts with more names.  Then if you take one of those parts and magnify that 100 more times.  There are more parts with different names.  When does magnification end?  Once again this process is infinite. If life is infinite in the expanse of space, and infinite in the cellular or molecular level of the body, then is it difficult to consider the infinite capacity in our brain. Scientist have made incredible discoveries in relation to the mind of man.  Mans’ capacity to learn knowledge, to gain understanding and develop wisdom. Researchers estimate that we use between 1 and 10 percent of our brain.  Though this is…