Breathing Life - Joshua Roy's Blog

I spoke with a teenage girl who stated that she is always fighting and getting into yelling arguments with others, including her mother, her cousin, and other people in her life.   Her justification for being confrontational is that she hates others telling her what to do.  This is an issue for her now in her life, yet in the future it could also be an issue if she someday works for a boss.  The reality is that most of us need to be able to respond appropriately when being told what to do.   I decided to do a process with her in which we considered her strategy for getting angry in communication.   I compared the strategy of getting angry with the strategy of baking a cake.   I explained her that if she wanted to bake a cake she would gather ingredients, order and sequence those ingredients, place it in the oven and wait for the cake to cook.  If those ingredients were incorrect, or the time in the oven was too short or too long then the cake would be a flop.  Too much opening of the oven door in anxious expectation, and the cake may…

I have done previous posts on matching and mirroring and in order to appreciate this post it would be a good idea for you to check out former posts.  I also have a video on my site in which I give two examples in building rapport using matching and mirroring. Sending a text message or email is a less effective communication strategy. This seems to be the preferred way for young people to communicate.  The reason this is less effective is because words alone can be significantly misinterpreted.  I recall sending a funny text once to a friend.  This text message was misinterpreted and the friend became offended.  You see all the person got was a written message.  I sent it as a joke, yet the receiver had no way of knowing that I was joking.  As I was writing the joke I said it in a funny way in my own head, and then laughed at how funny I thought the joke was.   Unfortunately the joke did not work and I can only assume that the person read with a very different tone in their mind.  I have wondered how the same message may have been received had…

As a life coach it is imperative to be in PEAK condition.  By creating immense happiness in one’s own life, we inspire others to create it in theirs.  I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life, and this is because I constantly create a flood of positive emotions in my own body.   The old saying is true that “you cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is”.  In order to lift another person in the area of physical health and fitness, one would not choose a lazy coach.  Just as an athlete must fuel their body appropriately, so too should a life coach.    Just as one would expect a good financial adviser to be prosperous, one would expect that a life coach applies principles of financial success.  Furthermore just as a relationship expert should have strong relationships, so too should a life coach.  It is also relevant in the area of spirituality.  As we develop a strong spiritual life we can assist others to find their purpose in life and live into a bright and compelling future.   The best way to learn is to model behaviour.  The best…

I was working with a client that was struggling with feeling resentment in her life.  I could see that there was work to do in establishing shared values, however for now it was necessary to create a kinesthetic strategy that would enable her to at least deal better on an emotional level. We worked together to create the following neurological bridge. There were four components. Resentment Active understanding Enduring patience Loving peace Once anchored into her nervous system, we were able to establish a new pattern of behaviour. This simply meant that instead of being stuck in feeling resentment, she would automatically wind up feeling loving peace. She was grateful of the changes caused and she felt now that she would have a different outcome when she fell into that emotion in the future. This process took about 20 minutes to establish. I tested the outcome and was pleased to hear that it worked wonderfully. (She was able to create each emotion in her body and the transitions through the various emotions was rapid. She was an incredible learner). Each of us runs strategies in our own lives. Dealing with negative emotions can be a real challenge to some, and this may…

The struggles of ADDICTION   I was working with a man who struggled to separate Love from Sex.  He described that both seemed to him to be one and the same.  He described that when he had sex he felt loved.  When he was rejected sexually, he felt unloved and/or unlovable.   Therefore he had a rule in his life that sex equalled love.  One of the fundamental needs that we have as human beings is the need to be loved.  This led him towards a sex addiction.  He thought that he wanted/needed sex, when he was actually wanting/needing love.  This is not uncommon for one with similar addictions.   Addiction can be very strong, and the roots of addiction very deep.   There is a prevalent thought in the world that “once an addict, always an addict”.  I choose to believe that this statement is completely false.  It is my experience that when an addict is shown another way, that addiction, or any addiction can be overcome.  When the addict chooses another way to meet the need inside themselves, and consistently follow this new way, life will change.  The person simply needs to attach enough pain to the addiction,…

Start believing in yourself! We will all encounter set backs and failures. Resistance serves a grand purpose. I continually think about the inspirational scene in the movie Rocky 6. Rocky has a conversation with his adult son in which Rocky explains that somewhere along the way his son decided to let others put a finger in his face and tell him he was no good. Rock explained that nothing will hit harder than life. That life will drop you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. Rocky said it’s not about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. He explained that this is how winning is done. Rocky explained that looking around for someone to blame when things go wrong is what cowards do. The final thought to his son was, “until you start believing in yourself you’re not gonna have a life”. The world is full of people who will expect our failure. It is full of people who have given up on many of their own hopes and dreams, and have settled for far less than their birthright. They have failed to unlock their…

Scientists’ look out into the universe and have been baffled by the mystery and expanse of space.  High powered telescopes continue to evolve and space appears to be unlimited.  Each time scientists reach the limits of the telescopic range, the question is posed, “What is beyond that”.  It would seem that space is infinite.  If there was an end or limit, what is on the other side of the outer limits? Consider one of the estimated 86 billion neurons in our brain.  Magnify on of these neurons 100 times.  What is found is more parts with more names.  Then if you take one of those parts and magnify that 100 more times.  There are more parts with different names.  When does magnification end?  Once again this process is infinite. If life is infinite in the expanse of space, and infinite in the cellular or molecular level of the body, then is it difficult to consider the infinite capacity in our brain. Scientist have made incredible discoveries in relation to the mind of man.  Mans’ capacity to learn knowledge, to gain understanding and develop wisdom. Researchers estimate that we use between 1 and 10 percent of our brain.  Though this is…

I spoke with a young woman who has suffered Anxiety and Depression.  This may be circumstantial due to her current situation. Things will be changing for her in the near future and therefore we had a conversation about that future. First I asked if she could see a vision of the future. She responded that she could see it, and described herself in a car with friends singing away as loud as she could. They were all laughing and having a great time. (Vivid imagination – WOW). She sounded very happy as she described this scene. I asked her to continue to describe how she had felt and what she heard. She described feelings of joy and happiness. She described laughter and sounds of Joy. After listening I decided to see if I could assist her to enhance the scene in her mind. I asked her to make the picture she described as big as a house and bright like the sun. I asked her how this felt. She could hardly communicate with me as she imagined the picture enlarged and bright. I then asked her to turn up the sounds in her mind. The music, the laughter and the…

Tonight I concluded the fifth life coaching session with a client. Whilst he had made good progress, I was still striving to see a transformation occur in him. The work that I am interested in, is making changes at the unconscious level. We had communicated about and he had a good understanding at the conscious level yet he was boxed in by the boundary conditions of his own thinking. He was unable to apply the skills because the issue was not lack of skill. The issue was not lack of ability. He is a brilliant man. He has a great marriage and loving family. He experiences good health and high energy levels. He is in a good financial position. He came to me in relation to the only area of his life that he felt was lacking. This area was communication. He had learned throughout his life that if you work hard at any problem, it can be conquered. This approach had worked in all other areas of his life. Yet in this one area of his life, (communication) it seemed that it was not working. He was attentive and made notes. He was completely involved in the exercises that we did,…

Yesterday a work colleague was asked how he was by a visitor and he said the word “great”. Whist he used a positive word in his answer, it really lacked the energy that the word would tend to inspire. The word was flat and without life. The word was free from any tonal inflection. The word was bereft of energy. The word was lifeless. I turned and stated to him that this was the most inauthentic thing I had heard all day. The word was in-congruent with his facial expression, his tone, volume and body language. To that he smiled, and I saw a light come into his eyes as he threw his arms into the air and shouted “GREAT”. This time his energy level was sky-high. The volume was far greater and his face was animated. He was being authentic when he said it this time.  He grinned and then after doing this simple gesture began to laugh. The person that he had said “GREAT” to looked stunned as his reaction was so unexpected. This added to the humour of the situation. He and I both used this simple gesture to energise each other for the rest of the…