Breathing Life - Joshua Roy's Blog

Met with a man today who wiggled his toe.  That may not sound very impressive.  It certainly does not sound extraordinary.  It also may seem like a strange thing to be asking a client to do. The thing that made this situation both impressive and extraordinary is that this man is a quadriplegic. The Doctor told him about 7 years ago after an accident on a football field that he would never walk again.  The Doctor stated that he would be unable to feel or move his legs. The first time I met with this man I taught him about creating anchors and we created a powerful anchor of excitement.  Before we began he showed me the full range of movement that he had in his left arm.  He stated that according to what the Doctors said, he should not be able to move this arm because of his condition.  He stated that the doctors did not know how he could move the arm.  He explained to me that one day he saw his little finger move.  His hand and then his arm began to move and get stronger each day.  When I came to visit he could lift his…

I remember once thinking or believing that all relationships in this world are dysfunctional.  Yet I realised that I had not yet met every couple or family in this world, neither is it possible to do.  Yet this idea that every relationship is dysfunctional is a thought that has put me at ease as I consider the dysfunctions that do and have existed in my family.   1/         Acknowledge the Dysfunction.   My experience is that most families and individuals attempt to mask, hide, deny or pretend they know nothing about their dysfunction.  Dysfunctions, weather large or small plague families and individuals, making it impossible to imagine a perfectly functional family.  The first step to eliminating the dysfunction in our relationships is to recognise that there is a dysfunction.  As imperfect people in an imperfect world, we are going to offend, hurt, act selfishly and impact others in a negative way.  This may be intentional or otherwise, yet the truth remains that to be human is to make mistakes and be less than perfect.  Often it is easier to see the weaknesses of others.  As we honestly look to our thoughts, actions, habits and character, we will soon discover that we…

There are people in the world who revel in other people’s misery.  They constantly laugh about those in hardship, or those who are a worse position than themselves.  Kind words of encouragement do not escape their lips, rather they are critical and happy that another is on lower ground than they themselves appear to be. Am I happy when I find someone in hardship?  Absolutely.  I get excited.  In fact the more problems you have the more excited I become. Here is why. Working with a client who is hitting home runs and making things happen is great.  My role with such a person is to offer a little bit of steering and a little guidance. Contrast that with a client who is pathetic. There are some people who have so many challenges that it makes a mine field feel like a patch of paradise. I met with a man who was overweight.  He was struggling financially.  Had no job.  His marriage was on the rocks.  He was struggling with depression.  He had no direction or purpose in life. THAT GOT ME SO EXCITED.  This is such a happy moment for me because I know that as a life coach…

There are two major inhibitors to creating change in our lives.  They are Time and Money.  Let us consider both of these inhibitors.   The first inhibitor is time.  Each of us the same amount of time in our day.  We are all blessed with the same 24 hour period each day that we must decide how to spend.  The reason ‘time’ and ‘spend’ can be used in the same sentence is that time is a resource much like money.  Some hold the belief that time=money.  In other words they see their time as an investment that produces profit and income.  For some, extra socialising, too many parties and abundant holidays are a waste of time, and therefore a waste of money.   Time is a resource that is bound by laws of the universe.  There is nothing that we can do on this planet to change the amount of time available to us.  These constraints do not allow for manipulation or denial.  All that we can do is accept that time will continue to tick away regardless or our desires, feelings or any other factor.  Time is a limited resource and commodity.   Some of the greatest minds and…

I was life coaching a woman who was allowing her husband to continually push her buttons.  She was separated and soon to be divorced.  This woman had explained to me that just seeing her husband sent her into a tail spin. I had her imagine that he was in front of her now.  Her whole body changed.  The look on her face changed.  Her shoulders drooped, the corners of her mouth pulled toward the ground and she almost looked as though she was physically ill.  (She had created an anchor that when she saw him {or imagined she saw him} negative feeling entered her body). It was obvious to me that she was giving up her personal power and allowing herself to be effected emotionally to a large degree.  As many do, she was trapped in blame.  She was very busy blaming him for the way the relationship was turning out. I was planning at this point to have a lengthy conversation to help her understand that she was creating the feelings in her body.  That she was completely responsible for her feelings of anger, frustration and hurt etc.  (She created these feelings again while I was with her just…

The following paragraph is an excerpt taken from the internet that explains retention rates of learning through lectures and other forms of teaching.   “The experts generally agree that simulations boost learning retention rates dramatically. An often-cited study conducted by the NTL Institute for Applied Behavioral Sciences in Alexandria, Va., found that on average, students retain 5 percent of what they hear in lectures, 10 percent of what they read, and 20 percent of what they see and hear in audiovisual presentations. But add “practice by doing” and “teach others/immediate use” and retention rates shoot up to a jaw-dropping 78 percent.”   Much of traditional education is based on lectures.  The practical application of any learning is imperative to integrating that learning into one’s mind and heart.  The challenge from a teaching standpoint is to learn how to increase learning of the students to such an extent that massive change can occur in the shortest amount of time.   It is the nature of mankind to do things faster and better.  Improvements have been made in both travel and communication.  Once it took many months to send a message to the other side of the earth or to travel around…

Often we are the last to notice an internal change or “shift” that has occurred inside ourselves.  When I work with others I look for internal “shifts” and changes that occur.  The beauty about change is that it is visible, if one knows what to look for, and how change will manifest itself.  Predominately change will show up on a person’s face and in their physiology.   Due to the unique nature of human beings, the manifestation of psychological “shifts” shows up differently for each individual.  I have been observing “shifts” in people for many years now.  This awareness is learned and all can develop this ability.   In my occupation I often need to deal with aggressive and angry people.  I see the “shifts” happen in these individuals prior to their becoming aggressive.  There are signs that people give prior to ‘acting out’, that warn others of their intentions.  We can learn to become attuned to these signs and this is important if we want to remain prepared and safe.  Learning to read these signs comes with experience, and sometimes that experience is a result of pain and discomfort.  What we use in this instance is “sensory acuity”.  We…

I was looking on Facebook recently and an article was posted that was a test for technology addiction.  It was offering a large sum of money to those who could live apart from technology for an extended period of time.  It had a picture of a log cabin in the woods.   There are those who consider that the need to feed this addiction outweighs their want for material possessions.  In other words it is a battle of Will power.  The mind is willing and yet the flesh is weak.   For those who are dependent on technology for connection with friends, family and the world it may be a difficult thought.  If you rely upon the phone, iPad or other device to validate you as an individual, this test may actually be difficult, or even seem impossible.   Those that have no addiction to technologies, such as Wifi, Internet, computers and mobile phones would consider a time to be away from these a welcome break.  Some even said that they would remain in the Log cabin indefinitely so long as food and other essentials kept coming.   There is a new branch of psychology that deals directly with gaming…

I spoke with a man who stated that he continually makes jokes about other people in front of them that are inappropriate. These jokes are far from malicious as he is a wonderful man and really cares for others, however he described that there is a switch in his mind that is activated when he makes an attempt to draw people close to him. What ends up happening instead is that he can offend and hurt others feelings, thereby causing distance in his interpersonal relationships. These actions are born of insecurity. Rather than silence he feels the need to speak to fill that silence. As I was listening to him describe this situation I recognised a need to be accepted, loved and connection with other people. Offending people in this way is antisocial. While innocent in his intent, the fact remains that this need for love and connection is driving him to speak and act in adverse ways, and this is producing the opposite effect in his world. Once trust is broken and offence received he has to work twice as hard to reestablish this connection with others. I wanted to help and decided that a swish pattern could be…

We all have beliefs around money.  There are beliefs around the making of money.  Beliefs around the spending of money.   Here are some beliefs about money that many relate to.   1/         There is never enough money. 2/         you need to have money in order to make money. 3/         its not spiritual to have too much money (you must decide between rich or happy). 4/         you have to work too hard to make money. 5/         I’m just not good with money. 6/         my family has never been rich. 7/         money does not grow on trees. 8/         its selfish to want a lot of money. 9/         money is a limited resource. 10/        the rich get richer, the poor get poorer.   The rich have different beliefs.  Here are some examples.   1/         I can buy anything I want. 2/         my money works for me 3/         wealth creation begins in the mind. 4/         making money is easy. 5/         Passion pays.   Most people can identify with one prevalent attitude concerning money.  The need for more of it. There are many things that we need and want and the solution tends to always be a need to generate more cash flow.  A need…