Breathing Life - Joshua Roy's Blog

I have been thinking a lot about values over the last couple of days.   Values are simply judgements about something.  Judgements are split into two categories.  The first is made up of things that you may like.  The second is made of things you may dislike.  The reasons or judgments about why you like or dislike that thing is a key in determining your set of values.   For example; You may like exercise.  You may dislike running. You may like eating fish.  You may dislike Lamb shanks. You may like self-improvement.  You may dislike religion. You may like computer games.  You may dislike public speaking.   Our likes and dislikes create feelings, attitudes and beliefs.  These feelings, attitudes and beliefs result in us finding certain attributes or qualities important to us and our life.  As we consider what is important in a certain area of life we are in fact thinking about our values.   One of the best ways of eliciting values from a person is to ask the question.  What is important to you in that area?   As an example if you wanted to know what your physical fitness values were, you might ask yourself…

I attended a meeting on leadership principles.  In this meeting I was asked to come up to the front of the room with 2 other people.  While at the front of the room two of us were asked to grab the arms of the third person, one on one side and the second on the other.  I obediently grabbed onto the left arm of this man.  We were then asked to pull which we did.   Pointing to the man in the middle the speaker made this point.  He stated that we all represented the man the middle being pulled in two different directions.  He stated that we need to resist and remain on track and focussed, and have a constant battle within ourselves in order to make good choices.   Obviously he was talking about the conflict that exists between the conscious mind and the unconscious man.  In religion it is referred to as the conflict between good and evil.  The conflict between God and the devil.  The conflict between light and darkness.  The natural man and the spiritual man.   What if we reached a point in our minds and hearts in which there was no internal conflict? …

There are people in the world who revel in other people’s misery.  They constantly laugh about those in hardship, or those who are a worse position than themselves.  Kind words of encouragement do not escape their lips, rather they are critical and happy that another is on lower ground than they themselves appear to be. Am I happy when I find someone in hardship?  Absolutely.  I get excited.  In fact the more problems you have the more excited I become. Here is why. Working with a client who is hitting home runs and making things happen is great.  My role with such a person is to offer a little bit of steering and a little guidance. Contrast that with a client who is pathetic. There are some people who have so many challenges that it makes a mine field feel like a patch of paradise. I met with a man who was overweight.  He was struggling financially.  Had no job.  His marriage was on the rocks.  He was struggling with depression.  He had no direction or purpose in life. THAT GOT ME SO EXCITED.  This is such a happy moment for me because I know that as a life coach…

I found this acronym for Focus whilst surfing the internet.  FOCUS could stand for “Follow on Course Until Successful”.   Brian Tracey once stated that if you could focus all of your attention on a watch face without diversion or distraction for an entire minute, you could accomplish anything you want in life”.   When I think of focus I am reminded of the laser beam.  The word LASER is also an acronym that stands for Light Amplification by Stimulated Emissions of Radiation.   When the marvellous power of light is compressed and shot through a laser it becomes incredibly powerful.  So powerful in fact, that the laser beam can cut through solid steel.   In the same way, when we as human beings focus all of our attention in a direction we become a powerful force in the universe.   The question is how do we do this?  How do we focus wholeheartedly on one thing without diversion or distraction?   One may think that the answer to this question is practice.  The answer for some could be to double your effort.  The answer to another could be commitment.   Practice, effort and commitment will help, however all of…

I was life coaching a woman who was allowing her husband to continually push her buttons.  She was separated and soon to be divorced.  This woman had explained to me that just seeing her husband sent her into a tail spin. I had her imagine that he was in front of her now.  Her whole body changed.  The look on her face changed.  Her shoulders drooped, the corners of her mouth pulled toward the ground and she almost looked as though she was physically ill.  (She had created an anchor that when she saw him {or imagined she saw him} negative feeling entered her body). It was obvious to me that she was giving up her personal power and allowing herself to be effected emotionally to a large degree.  As many do, she was trapped in blame.  She was very busy blaming him for the way the relationship was turning out. I was planning at this point to have a lengthy conversation to help her understand that she was creating the feelings in her body.  That she was completely responsible for her feelings of anger, frustration and hurt etc.  (She created these feelings again while I was with her just…

Often we are the last to notice an internal change or “shift” that has occurred inside ourselves.  When I work with others I look for internal “shifts” and changes that occur.  The beauty about change is that it is visible, if one knows what to look for, and how change will manifest itself.  Predominately change will show up on a person’s face and in their physiology.   Due to the unique nature of human beings, the manifestation of psychological “shifts” shows up differently for each individual.  I have been observing “shifts” in people for many years now.  This awareness is learned and all can develop this ability.   In my occupation I often need to deal with aggressive and angry people.  I see the “shifts” happen in these individuals prior to their becoming aggressive.  There are signs that people give prior to ‘acting out’, that warn others of their intentions.  We can learn to become attuned to these signs and this is important if we want to remain prepared and safe.  Learning to read these signs comes with experience, and sometimes that experience is a result of pain and discomfort.  What we use in this instance is “sensory acuity”.  We…

I spoke with a man who stated that he continually makes jokes about other people in front of them that are inappropriate. These jokes are far from malicious as he is a wonderful man and really cares for others, however he described that there is a switch in his mind that is activated when he makes an attempt to draw people close to him. What ends up happening instead is that he can offend and hurt others feelings, thereby causing distance in his interpersonal relationships. These actions are born of insecurity. Rather than silence he feels the need to speak to fill that silence. As I was listening to him describe this situation I recognised a need to be accepted, loved and connection with other people. Offending people in this way is antisocial. While innocent in his intent, the fact remains that this need for love and connection is driving him to speak and act in adverse ways, and this is producing the opposite effect in his world. Once trust is broken and offence received he has to work twice as hard to reestablish this connection with others. I wanted to help and decided that a swish pattern could be…

I was working with a woman this morning who is very happy, excited and motivated.  She has clear goals and a vision of her future.  She is confident, committed and driven.   She had no doubt that she could achieve her financial goals.  She had no doubt that she could achieve her physical health goals.  She had no doubt she could complete her relationship goals and all the areas of her life.     Why on earth would she invest her time with a life coach?  It seems unnecessary, right?  I mean she is achieving success and happiness.  She has developed her personality and talents.  She is learning and growing.  What then could a life coach offer?   Life coaching is not just for the downhearted and depressed.  I have worked with those dealing with separation and divorce.  I have provided coaching for the overweight and financially destitute.  Life coaching is obviously for a person with many obstacles and challenges to overcome.  What about a person who seems like they are succeeding in every area or aspect of life.  What can life coaching possibly do for such a person?   Firstly.  Wake up.  No one on this planet has it all…

Did some work with a woman who refused to resolve an issue during the first session. There was strong resistance. This resistance has been causing her to remain stagnant. Her progression halted to a stop, and she was unable to let go of her past. She had learned that “Love” was the highest positive value for the part of herself that wanted great physical health. She also learned that “Love” was the highest positive value for the part of her that wanted to eat poorly and use food as a means of comfort. In both cases her unconscious mind revealed that love was the desire of her heart or the highest positive value for her life, and the symbolic representation of this was an image of a brain. In the movie “the matrix”, Morpheus explains to Neo that there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. One may pose the question. Why would she not walk the path, when the way is open before her? What would cause a person to reject the unification, and integration of knowledge that would alleviate an internal conflict. Why would anyone knowingly hold on to an internal conflict when that…

I invited a good friend to be part of my morning routine.  During part of this routine we engage in affirmations with movement.  As this friend began to speak he moved his body in powerful ways and asked that his Maker would use him in powerful ways.  He concluded with the words, “I will be your ripple effect”. Whatever you are. Whatever you do. Whatever you say, people are watching. I recall Steven covey the author and leadership expert once said, “Who you are speaks so loudly it does not matter what you say”. Others get a sense for who we are and what we are, even before we open our mouth. When we do speak, our words are confirmed by what we do and how we act. What we say is secondary. Inconsistency between words and action will let others know we cannot be trusted and are not reliable. While human beings fall short of perfection, there is no excuse for not striving to improve the current situation. There is no excuse for not even striving to increase your capacity to love, forgive, overcome and move forward with hope. There is no excuse pretending you are doing well whilst sitting stagnant….