Breathing Life - Joshua Roy's Blog

I have been thinking a lot about values over the last couple of days.   Values are simply judgements about something.  Judgements are split into two categories.  The first is made up of things that you may like.  The second is made of things you may dislike.  The reasons or judgments about why you like or dislike that thing is a key in determining your set of values.   For example; You may like exercise.  You may dislike running. You may like eating fish.  You may dislike Lamb shanks. You may like self-improvement.  You may dislike religion. You may like computer games.  You may dislike public speaking.   Our likes and dislikes create feelings, attitudes and beliefs.  These feelings, attitudes and beliefs result in us finding certain attributes or qualities important to us and our life.  As we consider what is important in a certain area of life we are in fact thinking about our values.   One of the best ways of eliciting values from a person is to ask the question.  What is important to you in that area?   As an example if you wanted to know what your physical fitness values were, you might ask yourself…

I attended a meeting on leadership principles.  In this meeting I was asked to come up to the front of the room with 2 other people.  While at the front of the room two of us were asked to grab the arms of the third person, one on one side and the second on the other.  I obediently grabbed onto the left arm of this man.  We were then asked to pull which we did.   Pointing to the man in the middle the speaker made this point.  He stated that we all represented the man the middle being pulled in two different directions.  He stated that we need to resist and remain on track and focussed, and have a constant battle within ourselves in order to make good choices.   Obviously he was talking about the conflict that exists between the conscious mind and the unconscious man.  In religion it is referred to as the conflict between good and evil.  The conflict between God and the devil.  The conflict between light and darkness.  The natural man and the spiritual man.   What if we reached a point in our minds and hearts in which there was no internal conflict? …

There are people in the world who revel in other people’s misery.  They constantly laugh about those in hardship, or those who are a worse position than themselves.  Kind words of encouragement do not escape their lips, rather they are critical and happy that another is on lower ground than they themselves appear to be. Am I happy when I find someone in hardship?  Absolutely.  I get excited.  In fact the more problems you have the more excited I become. Here is why. Working with a client who is hitting home runs and making things happen is great.  My role with such a person is to offer a little bit of steering and a little guidance. Contrast that with a client who is pathetic. There are some people who have so many challenges that it makes a mine field feel like a patch of paradise. I met with a man who was overweight.  He was struggling financially.  Had no job.  His marriage was on the rocks.  He was struggling with depression.  He had no direction or purpose in life. THAT GOT ME SO EXCITED.  This is such a happy moment for me because I know that as a life coach…

I was life coaching a woman who was allowing her husband to continually push her buttons.  She was separated and soon to be divorced.  This woman had explained to me that just seeing her husband sent her into a tail spin. I had her imagine that he was in front of her now.  Her whole body changed.  The look on her face changed.  Her shoulders drooped, the corners of her mouth pulled toward the ground and she almost looked as though she was physically ill.  (She had created an anchor that when she saw him {or imagined she saw him} negative feeling entered her body). It was obvious to me that she was giving up her personal power and allowing herself to be effected emotionally to a large degree.  As many do, she was trapped in blame.  She was very busy blaming him for the way the relationship was turning out. I was planning at this point to have a lengthy conversation to help her understand that she was creating the feelings in her body.  That she was completely responsible for her feelings of anger, frustration and hurt etc.  (She created these feelings again while I was with her just…

As we travel through life each of us has to deal with feelings of loneliness.  These feeling may result from loss of a loved one, separation from friends or a situation in which a person may feel disconnected from people in their lives. Relationships are vital to our feeling connected with others and enjoying a happy and productive life.  It is interesting to me that some men and women comment that they do not have any friends.  They do not really know how to connect with other people, or how to establish a long term relationship.   Others can connect with other people in the short term, however they feel like they cannot maintain a long term relationship.  For yet others there seems to be no necessity in their mind to connect with others.  There is no driving passion compelling them to have rich friendships. Wherever you are on your journey in life, if there are ever feelings of loneliness, I believe that this feeling is prompted by a yearning in our soul to have deep and rich relationships. I have learned about really connecting with the people in our lives.  What I have recently become aware of is that experiences…

Rang a friend and asked him what he was up to as I needed his help with something.  After contacting him I was informed that a 7 year old child – a family friend’s child was in hospital.  He told me that this young boy had a leaky heart.  This meant that his heart was not functioning properly.  I was informed that he had been unable to eat or drink anything for almost 3 weeks.  I could only imagine how tired and weak he felt.  To protect the identity of the individual and family I will call this boy Jeff.   At the hospital we found Jeff with his dad.  His father had spent the night with him, sleeping a in a second bed that had been prepared.  He did look weak but managed a smile when he saw that he had visitors.   He had been playing cards with his dad during the day and they had just been there together.  I was informed by the father upon arrival that the doctors had not given good news.  They had stated that he could be in the hospital for a long time, like 3 months.   I was with my…

The following paragraph is an excerpt taken from the internet that explains retention rates of learning through lectures and other forms of teaching.   “The experts generally agree that simulations boost learning retention rates dramatically. An often-cited study conducted by the NTL Institute for Applied Behavioral Sciences in Alexandria, Va., found that on average, students retain 5 percent of what they hear in lectures, 10 percent of what they read, and 20 percent of what they see and hear in audiovisual presentations. But add “practice by doing” and “teach others/immediate use” and retention rates shoot up to a jaw-dropping 78 percent.”   Much of traditional education is based on lectures.  The practical application of any learning is imperative to integrating that learning into one’s mind and heart.  The challenge from a teaching standpoint is to learn how to increase learning of the students to such an extent that massive change can occur in the shortest amount of time.   It is the nature of mankind to do things faster and better.  Improvements have been made in both travel and communication.  Once it took many months to send a message to the other side of the earth or to travel around…

Often we are the last to notice an internal change or “shift” that has occurred inside ourselves.  When I work with others I look for internal “shifts” and changes that occur.  The beauty about change is that it is visible, if one knows what to look for, and how change will manifest itself.  Predominately change will show up on a person’s face and in their physiology.   Due to the unique nature of human beings, the manifestation of psychological “shifts” shows up differently for each individual.  I have been observing “shifts” in people for many years now.  This awareness is learned and all can develop this ability.   In my occupation I often need to deal with aggressive and angry people.  I see the “shifts” happen in these individuals prior to their becoming aggressive.  There are signs that people give prior to ‘acting out’, that warn others of their intentions.  We can learn to become attuned to these signs and this is important if we want to remain prepared and safe.  Learning to read these signs comes with experience, and sometimes that experience is a result of pain and discomfort.  What we use in this instance is “sensory acuity”.  We…

I was looking on Facebook recently and an article was posted that was a test for technology addiction.  It was offering a large sum of money to those who could live apart from technology for an extended period of time.  It had a picture of a log cabin in the woods.   There are those who consider that the need to feed this addiction outweighs their want for material possessions.  In other words it is a battle of Will power.  The mind is willing and yet the flesh is weak.   For those who are dependent on technology for connection with friends, family and the world it may be a difficult thought.  If you rely upon the phone, iPad or other device to validate you as an individual, this test may actually be difficult, or even seem impossible.   Those that have no addiction to technologies, such as Wifi, Internet, computers and mobile phones would consider a time to be away from these a welcome break.  Some even said that they would remain in the Log cabin indefinitely so long as food and other essentials kept coming.   There is a new branch of psychology that deals directly with gaming…

I spoke with a man who stated that he continually makes jokes about other people in front of them that are inappropriate. These jokes are far from malicious as he is a wonderful man and really cares for others, however he described that there is a switch in his mind that is activated when he makes an attempt to draw people close to him. What ends up happening instead is that he can offend and hurt others feelings, thereby causing distance in his interpersonal relationships. These actions are born of insecurity. Rather than silence he feels the need to speak to fill that silence. As I was listening to him describe this situation I recognised a need to be accepted, loved and connection with other people. Offending people in this way is antisocial. While innocent in his intent, the fact remains that this need for love and connection is driving him to speak and act in adverse ways, and this is producing the opposite effect in his world. Once trust is broken and offence received he has to work twice as hard to reestablish this connection with others. I wanted to help and decided that a swish pattern could be…