Breathing Life - Joshua Roy's Blog

Some time ago my wife and I attended a relationship “strengthening marriage” seminar. After completing the course we explained to a family friend that we did this course. The response was very interesting. This person said, “oh, I did not know that you were having marriage difficulties”. This was an interesting response. When I replied that we were not having problems, the person looked perplexed. The prevalence of this perception is really concerning. The mechanical world understands the need for tune ups and prevention checks. Car services are not only done to change oil, but to check brake pads, lights, tyres, and other moving parts.  Very few cars break down on the highway when regular car services are performed. So why did my wife and I participate in the “strengthening marriage course”. Well this is not the first course we have done together and it will not be the last.  While at the “strengthening marriage course”, the facilitator asked what activities you can do together as a couple. Other couples gave standard answers like hold hands.  Sit together and talk. Go out to dinner.  Go to the movies. I then explained to the other couples that my wife and I…

When most people hear the term investing, they immediately think of money. They may think of investing in real estate or shares, or in other ventures. I would like us to consider investing in another way. I have been asked to MC several weddings and functions and each time I have fully invested of myself. On one occasion I was asked to help run a live auction. This was a very new prospect, as I had never run a live auction. I therefore took it upon myself to prepare for this auction. I really wanted to do a great job and provide entertainment, laughter and be competent and proficient at running this auction. I could have attended and hoped for the best, however I am someone who has learned over the years that preparation precedes performance. Therefore I prepared myself by using YouTube to see several examples of live auctions. I had my iPad in the bathroom and spent about an hour just watching and learning from other auctioneer’s. I then began practicing the skills. Rolling my tongue, rapid clear speech, rhythm and tempo of the calls. Practicing the numbers forward and backwards. I also did a number of voice…

I spoke with a teenage girl who stated that she is always fighting and getting into yelling arguments with others, including her mother, her cousin, and other people in her life.   Her justification for being confrontational is that she hates others telling her what to do.  This is an issue for her now in her life, yet in the future it could also be an issue if she someday works for a boss.  The reality is that most of us need to be able to respond appropriately when being told what to do.   I decided to do a process with her in which we considered her strategy for getting angry in communication.   I compared the strategy of getting angry with the strategy of baking a cake.   I explained her that if she wanted to bake a cake she would gather ingredients, order and sequence those ingredients, place it in the oven and wait for the cake to cook.  If those ingredients were incorrect, or the time in the oven was too short or too long then the cake would be a flop.  Too much opening of the oven door in anxious expectation, and the cake may…

Who does not like cakes?  A good cake is very desirable.  It will tantalize the taste buds, put a smile on your face and create a party in your mouth.  Social gatherings, parties and events all have one thing in common. People gather around to chat and enjoy a slice of your favourite cake, filled with the sugary goodness.   It is a compelling and almost irresistible thing to watch others indulge in delicious sweets and goodies.  What’s more, when you are offered a piece it is difficult to resist.  It is also hard to resist that second piece that needs to be finished off.  If the serving size is particularly large we think to ourselves ‘just this once’, or ‘I will burn it off with exercise’, or ‘I have to be sociable/polite/gracious’ etc.  This would not be an issue of course if this were a once off treat.  If there was a very small amount of processed sugar in our overall diet our body would handle this with ease.  If it was not for the compelling impulses of our sugar addiction, we could withstand the look of this type of food without excruciating effort.   When the holidays arrive…

I have done previous posts on matching and mirroring and in order to appreciate this post it would be a good idea for you to check out former posts.  I also have a video on my site in which I give two examples in building rapport using matching and mirroring. Sending a text message or email is a less effective communication strategy. This seems to be the preferred way for young people to communicate.  The reason this is less effective is because words alone can be significantly misinterpreted.  I recall sending a funny text once to a friend.  This text message was misinterpreted and the friend became offended.  You see all the person got was a written message.  I sent it as a joke, yet the receiver had no way of knowing that I was joking.  As I was writing the joke I said it in a funny way in my own head, and then laughed at how funny I thought the joke was.   Unfortunately the joke did not work and I can only assume that the person read with a very different tone in their mind.  I have wondered how the same message may have been received had…

My father in Law took occasion to share with me some sad news.  He told me of a man that he had known personally, who was now dead.  He had committed suicide. He explained to me that this death was a shock to everyone who knew him.  His reasons for committing suicide were unclear and the family was left to deal with the results.  His wife was distraught over the act, and was left to question the relationship, the family left behind and everything in their lives. While this created stress and hardship, there were other issues.  You see the man had two families.  He had divorced years earlier and the remarried.  He had children to his first marriage and also to his second. What increased the stress at this difficult time was the fact that the man did not have a will.  He did not have anything in place to protect and preserve his current wife and children.  He stated that the current wife had come to see him.  She was not only suffering grief from the loss of her husband, but the first wife had begun proceedings to secure the man’s inheritance. My father in law used this…

As a life coach it is imperative to be in PEAK condition.  By creating immense happiness in one’s own life, we inspire others to create it in theirs.  I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life, and this is because I constantly create a flood of positive emotions in my own body.   The old saying is true that “you cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is”.  In order to lift another person in the area of physical health and fitness, one would not choose a lazy coach.  Just as an athlete must fuel their body appropriately, so too should a life coach.    Just as one would expect a good financial adviser to be prosperous, one would expect that a life coach applies principles of financial success.  Furthermore just as a relationship expert should have strong relationships, so too should a life coach.  It is also relevant in the area of spirituality.  As we develop a strong spiritual life we can assist others to find their purpose in life and live into a bright and compelling future.   The best way to learn is to model behaviour.  The best…

The struggles of ADDICTION   I was working with a man who struggled to separate Love from Sex.  He described that both seemed to him to be one and the same.  He described that when he had sex he felt loved.  When he was rejected sexually, he felt unloved and/or unlovable.   Therefore he had a rule in his life that sex equalled love.  One of the fundamental needs that we have as human beings is the need to be loved.  This led him towards a sex addiction.  He thought that he wanted/needed sex, when he was actually wanting/needing love.  This is not uncommon for one with similar addictions.   Addiction can be very strong, and the roots of addiction very deep.   There is a prevalent thought in the world that “once an addict, always an addict”.  I choose to believe that this statement is completely false.  It is my experience that when an addict is shown another way, that addiction, or any addiction can be overcome.  When the addict chooses another way to meet the need inside themselves, and consistently follow this new way, life will change.  The person simply needs to attach enough pain to the addiction,…

We all have a need to be loved.  This is one of the fundamental needs that each human being shares.  What happens when we feel unloved?  When we feel unloved, and this feeling is reinforced over time, we can find ourselves in a very lonely place.  The feeling of not being loved can lead to the making of negative choices.  When we feel unloved we may sabotage our relationships.  When we feel unloved we may act and behave in ways that are immature or inappropriate.  When we feel unloved and then “act out”, and doings so can cause us to feel even worse.   It is a very negative spiral. I had a conversation with a man who explained that when he felt unloved he would spiral into negative patterns and negative behaviours.  He struggled with addiction and found that his life had become unmanageable at certain times in his life.  Furthermore he found that this feeling of being unloved seemed to start a negative spiral.  Something negative would happen and he would respond by feeling that he was not loved.   While in that negative place he would feed his addiction in an attempt to feel better, and act inappropriately.  This…

I met a man in his mid-20’s who had survived a terrifying horror in his life. Firstly he told me about a severe football injury.  He had experience temporary paralysis.  He explained that recover took about 6 years, and that he still struggled to carry heavy objects.  He found it difficult to function and yet appeared healthy.   As we were speaking I felt a feeling in my body that indicated that he and I were in rapport. He and I were breathing in unison, we were both siting and he was telling me stories about his life.  It felt really good to be there in rapport with him, and we connected immediately. The beauty of rapport is that people open up and are able to share very personal information, and feel a sense of trust.   Rapport in this case made this conversation heartfelt and meaningful. I felt on this occasion that I should do nothing but listen.  He spoke for about 30 minutes.  He shared experiences from the heart and full of emotion.  At one point he stated “you are only the 3rd person that I have ever told this to”.  I was honoured that he would open up to…