A couple of weeks ago I met with a young girl who explained to me that she was in a bit of trouble.  She was in trouble with the courts because she had stolen her mother’s car.  As I was speaking to this young lady I asked her about the relationship she has with her mother.  She explained to me that all her mother cares about is the foster children that she is looking after.

I asked her why she stole the car.  She was unable to answer this question.

I explained to her that I believe that all of us want to be loved and accepted.  I then asked her “do you think that you stole the car because you wanted your mothers’ attention?  Do you think that you may have done it because deep down you want your mother to love you.

She thought about this for a time and then said, “Yes, I guess you are right”.  I then asked her how it was working out for her.  I asked her if her action had the desired result.  The look on her face indicated that her attempts to get her mother to show her love, really did backfire.

I then asked her to describe to me how she knew that her mother did not love her.  She went on to talk about fighting, yelling and how angry both them were most of the time.

After listening I asked her to tell me who was responsible for the feelings of love in her body.  After a slight pause she explained, “I guess I am”.  She knew that she was responsible for creating the feelings of love in her body.  I then asked me to describe when she decided to no longer create those feelings of love in her body in relationship with her mother.  At this moment I saw a shift in her understanding as it dawned on her that she had created this situation.

I explained to her that her mother really loved her.  (Her mother cares for foster children, and love is fundamental to raising and caring children, especially children that are not your own).  I then asked why she has prevented herself from experiencing that love.  She did not know.

She left at this point and I asked her how her relationship with her mother was now that we had spoken.  She replied “better”.  I do not know the rest of this story.  What I do know is that she now has a better understanding that she is responsible for the feelings of love inside her body.  With this understanding she was empowered to make positive choices for her life and future, and her relationships with other people.