I was doing a priming session with a friend today and we were discussing focus and energy. He has just commenced a new relationship and is very excited about it, and focused on it. This is a great thing, and he is really enjoying the friendship and love that he is creating. He is focused so much on this relationship that it has taken up all of his time. He is not currently employed or studying and is solely enjoying the relationship.  This heavy investment into the relationship is creating a situation in which he has depleted most of his savings.  Reality struck home when he realised that the funds were getting low, and he needed some extra money for upcoming events and challenges.

The bar for a Man is to be a leader, lover and provider. Whilst he is hitting the mark by being a lover, this is only one of the three areas in which he needs to take care of if he is going to be truly happy, and if he is going to have a happy partner. As an excellent lover, he is able to provide love and tenderness to his girlfriend, however this alone will not put food onto the table and a roof over their heads.  Therefore whist he is hitting home runs in being a lover, he is not meeting the challenge of being a leader or provider. He is doing a wonderful job at creating a strong and solid relationship however is this is not enough.

Besides being a great lover, a man needs to be a leader.  What does it take to be a leader? All that I have read and learned about leadership has taught me that leadership begins with the individual. Exxceptional leaders set an example for others to follow, and invite others to do as they do, rather than just to do as they say.  An exceptional leader learns to govern their own emotional, physical, mental and spiritual well-being.   In other words they take care of their health, their finances and relationships. A leader makes decisions and sticks with those decisions. A leader in one who lifts and inspires others. A leader is able to self motivate, and then reach out and help others. Alternately a poor leader may lazy or immobolised by fear. A poor leader may lack confidence and wallow in disbelief, doubting their own ability and the ability of others.  A poor leader is unable to produce results in their own life, and therefore is unable to stimulate others to lift their life to higher levels of success and achievement.

The second challenge is to be a provider. Unfortunately, as stated previously love will not put food on the table and a roof overhead. It is critical that men provide for themselves and their family. A man is able to generate an income that takes care of the needs of the family, and also some wants such as holidays and gifts. A man should also have money to give to charity, save, invest, and learn the principles of financial freedom.

Once again, the bar for a man is set. Men are to be leaders, lovers and providers.

Once deficiencies have been identified, how does one correct these deficiencies?  How does one get started? As I have been teaching and life coaching I have learned that the most difficult part of learning is not the gathering of information. There is information everywhere. Home, school, the internet, library, friends etc. We are all constantly bombarded with an abundance information from newspapers, social media, and television and youtube. Yet how often do we think “yes, I should do that”. Or. “Yeah, that sounds like a great thing to do”. Or “yes I must begin doing that”. And yet noting changes. Things remain as they are.

The great truth is that “knowledge is not about information, it’s about application”. Information can and will affect how we think feel, yet translating thought into action is perhaps one of our greatest challenges. It requires a great deal of courage to leap into the unknown. The victim inside asks, “what if I fail”, or “what if I lose”. “What if I embarrass myself”. “What if I am rejected”. “What if people think I’m weird or stupid”. All of these ‘what if’ questions will keep us from taking action if we allow it. Your unconscious mind wants to protect you. There is safety in playing a small game. There is safety in staying below the radar. There is safety in taking no risks. Alternately the victor inside us says, “I really can do anything I set my mind to”. “I am awesome”. “I am ready”. “I will succeed”.

All we must decide is which voice to listen to. When we choose victory, we must dig deep to find the resources necessary for success and achievement.  We must find a way to build that belief.

Once we lift our belief system to the extent that we have total conviction and absolute knowledge, we put ourselves into a victorious state.  With these emotional resources the associated actions seem easier. If we can get ourselves to take an action just once, we will build the confidence within ourselves that that action can be repeated. “If I can do it once, then I know that I can repeat the process”. This attitude builds a track record of success.

A couple of years ago I could not perform 1 wide grip chin up. This morning I did 54 wide grip chin ups. You see, once I had achieved that one pull up, something happened in my mind.  In some situations once the impossible becomes possible once, then we know it can be repeated.    Something that seems out of reach, can suddenly be within our grasp. Once we bridge the mental hurdle, the physical doesn’t seem so hard. It is the same principle in being a lover, leader and provider.  If there is lack and limitation in either of these three areas, then we need to make it a priority and a focus.  We must work to correct it before it is too late.  We must also believe that the situation can and will improve.  My karate instructor would often say, “everything is hard until it’s easy”.

Provide leadership for yourself by taking control of your own life. Then you will be in a position to help others.

Success never comes to one who waits. Rather success waits for one who reaches out and grabs hold of their vision. The purpose of thought is to generate action. Let’s all bridge that gap between thought and action.