There are three resistors to mental effectiveness. They are fear, laziness and limited self-belief.

I wanted to write a little about fear. In particular the fear of failure. Fear can be good or bad depending on the context.  Fear can keep us safe, but fear can also prevent us from achieving our potential.

Fear of failure in business can cause one to shy away from making an attempt, taking risks, or having a go. Failure can lead to financial setbacks, or great loss such as foreclosure, or bankruptcy. Many people have started businesses, only to go out of business.  Fear stops people from taking out a loan to grow the business, spending money on advertising or employing staff. Fear can and will keep you from getting started, and fear can also keep the business small.

Fear of failure in relationships may prevent us from being open to the possibility of a relationship.  Those in a relationship may find that they unconsciously self-sabotage that relationship, or reject the other person first, for fear that they themselves will be rejected.  Failure to meet our responsibilities in a relationship may likewise be costly. If we neglect our relationship in the pursuit of financial success, we may soon discover that we failed in the most important game of all. The game of relationships. A severe consequence of neglecting the area of relationships could be separation or divorce. The implications of separation and divorce are huge especially when children are involved.  One may ask, “what if I fail in my commitment to my wife or husband?” or significant other?”. “What if failure sets me back in my relationship with my children?”. “What if making known my real desires and being completely honest costs me the relationship?”

What about fear of failure in the area of physical health.  This fear can prevent people from making the changes believing that no amount of exercise will help.  Perhaps they have failed too many times in the past, and therefore it is easier to just settle and decide to be happy with their current lot in life.  This person will have reasons or excuses, but they will not have results.  If one is neglects health through failure to work out, failure to eat well, and failure to follow health principles, that person will surely pay with pain, disease or death.

Fear on the other hand can be good. One should not walk in front of traffic, go swimming in shark infested waters and play with crocodiles. Fear can also be bad. It can keep us from achieving our goals and dreams. It can cause us to shrink and suppress our creativity. It can cause us to be less than we can be, and step away from our duty and responsibility. In short fear can keep us safe, and it can also rob is from some of the greatest growth we will ever receive.

I was at the ice arena doing ice skating with my family. I was 39 years old at the time.  I recall as a teenager I going roller skating with my family, skateboarding with my friends and many other such activities. Furthermore I had been watching people all night at the skating arena skidding to a stop, and it looked easy. I remember getting my daughters attention and telling her to watch. I then went flying past her ignored the fear, and attempted to do an ice skid. I gathered speed and leaned to the side and moved my feet sideways and began to skid.  I was skidding only for a moment and then my blades stopped suddenly. What happened next I really don’t know?  Somehow my body kept moving and I felt pain in my right ankle that was still in the upright position and within a split second my head connected with the ice floor where my feet had been only a moment earlier. As I lay there on the ice with my head throbbing and a sprained ankle people gathered around me. Some concerned about my condition and others trying not to laugh.

I had attempted something big and I had failed. The cost was pain. Sprained ankle and throbbing head.

I have learned over the years that speed combined with lack of skill, can produce an abundance of pain.  This was true in this case.  I have since decided that I should add ice skating to my list of dangerous, or potentially dangerous activities.  It is another one of those activities that I will either avoid, or undertake with extreme caution.  This experience provided for me the possibility of stepping back and allowing others who have phenomenal ice skating skills to take the spotlight. Some people have brilliant skills and abilities in this and other areas.  I simply have learned now to step back and let others shine in their areas of excellence. At the same time there is no feeling of failure in me, as I have recognised that I cannot do everything, and my perspective of my own limitations is clear.  By giving up the need to do an ice skid, life will be less painful. I believe that this is good healthy fear. I cannot justify taking actions that may debilitate me for several hours or several days.

Therefore it is up to us to choose our battles, and choose where to focus our attention.  Not to remove all fear from our lives, rather we need to choose which fears we would like to overcome in order to get what it is we really want in life.  I still continually push my body intelligently with physical exercise, however I have learned to leave more difficult and extreme things alone, due to my desire to avoid injury.   I will do a backflip into water, and do tricks into a foam pit because of the safety provided.

Several weeks ago I was helping a cousin with a new roof for his deck. I assisted to unscrew the old deck and then screwed in the new roof. This was a long and tiring day and an activity that my body was not trained for. Furthermore, after I got home I decided to throw my two boys around the pool. My children and I play ‘Hulk smash’. I pretend to be the Incredible Hulk and throw them into the water with force, and call it a ‘hulk smash’. The next morning I could barely roll over, or walk. I was in immense pain. The muscles in my lower back did not want to work. They had been strained and overused.  I had overdone things and I was paying the price.  This created fear of failure in relation to overusing muscles.  I learned a great lesson through this failure.

I often asked the question in my workshops about the 2 conditions in life.  I then say the words “You win or you…………”  I encourage them to fill in the blank.  Inevitably the audience always says the word “fail”.  I would like to change that.  I believe that the 2 conditions of life are that “you win, or you learn”.  We never really fail, rather we learn.  The beauty of life is that there is still so much to learn.

Once again, I believe that fear can indeed keep us safe and protect us.  I believe that fear will prevent us from harm, injury and death.  I don’t want to put myself into a situation in which I am unable to do all that I need to do. My body is the vehicle that allows me to be successful. I am keeping myself in great condition for the purpose of blessing the lives of my family, and others throughout the world.

If failure really is learning, would anyone suggest that they are afraid to learn?  If you are not afraid to learn, then get out there and win.  What is the worst that will happen?  You win or you learn.