Breathing Life - Joshua Roy's Blog

We all have a need to be loved.  This is one of the fundamental needs that each human being shares.  What happens when we feel unloved?  When we feel unloved, and this feeling is reinforced over time, we can find ourselves in a very lonely place.  The feeling of not being loved can lead to the making of negative choices.  When we feel unloved we may sabotage our relationships.  When we feel unloved we may act and behave in ways that are immature or inappropriate.  When we feel unloved and then “act out”, and doings so can cause us to feel even worse.   It is a very negative spiral. I had a conversation with a man who explained that when he felt unloved he would spiral into negative patterns and negative behaviours.  He struggled with addiction and found that his life had become unmanageable at certain times in his life.  Furthermore he found that this feeling of being unloved seemed to start a negative spiral.  Something negative would happen and he would respond by feeling that he was not loved.   While in that negative place he would feed his addiction in an attempt to feel better, and act inappropriately.  This…

I met a man in his mid-20’s who had survived a terrifying horror in his life. Firstly he told me about a severe football injury.  He had experience temporary paralysis.  He explained that recover took about 6 years, and that he still struggled to carry heavy objects.  He found it difficult to function and yet appeared healthy.   As we were speaking I felt a feeling in my body that indicated that he and I were in rapport. He and I were breathing in unison, we were both siting and he was telling me stories about his life.  It felt really good to be there in rapport with him, and we connected immediately. The beauty of rapport is that people open up and are able to share very personal information, and feel a sense of trust.   Rapport in this case made this conversation heartfelt and meaningful. I felt on this occasion that I should do nothing but listen.  He spoke for about 30 minutes.  He shared experiences from the heart and full of emotion.  At one point he stated “you are only the 3rd person that I have ever told this to”.  I was honoured that he would open up to…

Start believing in yourself! We will all encounter set backs and failures. Resistance serves a grand purpose. I continually think about the inspirational scene in the movie Rocky 6. Rocky has a conversation with his adult son in which Rocky explains that somewhere along the way his son decided to let others put a finger in his face and tell him he was no good. Rock explained that nothing will hit harder than life. That life will drop you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. Rocky said it’s not about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. He explained that this is how winning is done. Rocky explained that looking around for someone to blame when things go wrong is what cowards do. The final thought to his son was, “until you start believing in yourself you’re not gonna have a life”. The world is full of people who will expect our failure. It is full of people who have given up on many of their own hopes and dreams, and have settled for far less than their birthright. They have failed to unlock their…

Have you ever had someone have a breakdown in front of you?  It happened to me this week.  I was with a woman in her early 20’s and she had been given some terrible news.  I helped her to understand the news and what it meant for her, and how it would affect her life over the next several days.  She did not take the news well and showed this by her body language.  She began to weep and cry and say “What.  What.  That can’t be right.  I’ve done nothing wrong”.  She hysterically began to repeat the word “No”, over and over again. As I watched her behaviour I decided to use matching and mirroring. Immediately I copied her body language by crying.  I stood opposite to her, where she could see me and I held my arms up to my face just as she was doing.  I then said, “What.  I don’t know.  I just don’t know.  I don’t know what they will do.  I am new here”. When I was speaking I used the same distressed tone of voice that she had used when she spoke. The result was interesting.  At first I thought that she would…

The story teller informs us that we are to be like salt and light. Salt adds flavour to food, and it a key ingredient to ensure food tastes great.  Salt also preserves food and makes the food last.  If there is too much salt or no salt, food may be inedible. To be like salt in the world would therefore mean to allow ourselves to live overtly in that we enable others to learn of our lives, hopes and dreams.  Just as salt ads flavour and value to food, our lives should add value to others. A lamp or bulb should be placed in a prominent, unobstructed position in order to give light.  The story teller explains that one would not put a light under a bush. As I have considered how it is possible for a person living in these times, in our current world to be like salt and light, I have realised that the example of how we live and what we do from day to day speaks volumes if we are indeed living with purpose.  To hide our gifts and talents would be to live a covert life.   We should develop our talents and gifts, and…

Scientists’ look out into the universe and have been baffled by the mystery and expanse of space.  High powered telescopes continue to evolve and space appears to be unlimited.  Each time scientists reach the limits of the telescopic range, the question is posed, “What is beyond that”.  It would seem that space is infinite.  If there was an end or limit, what is on the other side of the outer limits? Consider one of the estimated 86 billion neurons in our brain.  Magnify on of these neurons 100 times.  What is found is more parts with more names.  Then if you take one of those parts and magnify that 100 more times.  There are more parts with different names.  When does magnification end?  Once again this process is infinite. If life is infinite in the expanse of space, and infinite in the cellular or molecular level of the body, then is it difficult to consider the infinite capacity in our brain. Scientist have made incredible discoveries in relation to the mind of man.  Mans’ capacity to learn knowledge, to gain understanding and develop wisdom. Researchers estimate that we use between 1 and 10 percent of our brain.  Though this is…

Over the last 6 weeks I have taken time in a regular routine to think about and be grateful for what I have in my life. This one practice has assisted in my appreciation of not only the good things that happen in my life, but the challenges that I have faced also. The regular morning routine that I have chosen begins with a breathing exercise.  Following that I do a visualisation exercise.  I then give a prayer of gratitude.  As I started this process I was giving gratitude for the joy, love and great things in my life.  However as time has gone on I have recognised how grateful that I am for my challenges. James Allen once said, “Circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him”.  This concept is very true.  As I have started being grateful for my challenges and afflictions, I have recognised that hardship has been forging my soul.  It is in the fiery furnace of affliction that we learn some of our greatest lessons in life. I have been thinking about how grateful I am toward those who have wronged me.  Those who have lied about me.  Those who have been angry and…

I spoke with a young woman who has suffered Anxiety and Depression.  This may be circumstantial due to her current situation. Things will be changing for her in the near future and therefore we had a conversation about that future. First I asked if she could see a vision of the future. She responded that she could see it, and described herself in a car with friends singing away as loud as she could. They were all laughing and having a great time. (Vivid imagination – WOW). She sounded very happy as she described this scene. I asked her to continue to describe how she had felt and what she heard. She described feelings of joy and happiness. She described laughter and sounds of Joy. After listening I decided to see if I could assist her to enhance the scene in her mind. I asked her to make the picture she described as big as a house and bright like the sun. I asked her how this felt. She could hardly communicate with me as she imagined the picture enlarged and bright. I then asked her to turn up the sounds in her mind. The music, the laughter and the…

Tonight I concluded the fifth life coaching session with a client. Whilst he had made good progress, I was still striving to see a transformation occur in him. The work that I am interested in, is making changes at the unconscious level. We had communicated about and he had a good understanding at the conscious level yet he was boxed in by the boundary conditions of his own thinking. He was unable to apply the skills because the issue was not lack of skill. The issue was not lack of ability. He is a brilliant man. He has a great marriage and loving family. He experiences good health and high energy levels. He is in a good financial position. He came to me in relation to the only area of his life that he felt was lacking. This area was communication. He had learned throughout his life that if you work hard at any problem, it can be conquered. This approach had worked in all other areas of his life. Yet in this one area of his life, (communication) it seemed that it was not working. He was attentive and made notes. He was completely involved in the exercises that we did,…

Yesterday a work colleague was asked how he was by a visitor and he said the word “great”. Whist he used a positive word in his answer, it really lacked the energy that the word would tend to inspire. The word was flat and without life. The word was free from any tonal inflection. The word was bereft of energy. The word was lifeless. I turned and stated to him that this was the most inauthentic thing I had heard all day. The word was in-congruent with his facial expression, his tone, volume and body language. To that he smiled, and I saw a light come into his eyes as he threw his arms into the air and shouted “GREAT”. This time his energy level was sky-high. The volume was far greater and his face was animated. He was being authentic when he said it this time.  He grinned and then after doing this simple gesture began to laugh. The person that he had said “GREAT” to looked stunned as his reaction was so unexpected. This added to the humour of the situation. He and I both used this simple gesture to energise each other for the rest of the…