Breathing Life - Joshua Roy's Blog

I remember once thinking or believing that all relationships in this world are dysfunctional.  Yet I realised that I had not yet met every couple or family in this world, neither is it possible to do.  Yet this idea that every relationship is dysfunctional is a thought that has put me at ease as I consider the dysfunctions that do and have existed in my family.   1/         Acknowledge the Dysfunction.   My experience is that most families and individuals attempt to mask, hide, deny or pretend they know nothing about their dysfunction.  Dysfunctions, weather large or small plague families and individuals, making it impossible to imagine a perfectly functional family.  The first step to eliminating the dysfunction in our relationships is to recognise that there is a dysfunction.  As imperfect people in an imperfect world, we are going to offend, hurt, act selfishly and impact others in a negative way.  This may be intentional or otherwise, yet the truth remains that to be human is to make mistakes and be less than perfect.  Often it is easier to see the weaknesses of others.  As we honestly look to our thoughts, actions, habits and character, we will soon discover that we…

I thought that I would take the time to write a short blog about the six human needs.   These needs are common to all human beings who enjoy the human experience.   While these needs relate to every person, they may be sequenced and ordered differently according to the values and beliefs of each individual.   The first human need is the need for certainty.  This need grows out of the desire to know what we know.  For example we know that the sun will rise in the morning.  We know that Breakfast is the first meal of the day.  We know where we live, and who we live with. This knowledge keeps us safe and secure.  This knowledge stabilises our world and enables us to take comfort and have trust in the predictable aspects of our lives.   The second human need is the need for uncertainty.  This need is often called variety.  Too much certainty and predictability make for a condition in which there is no surprises in life.  This would make for a boring and unfulfilling life.  Without an occasional surprise, and without the challenges of uncertainty in life, the forging of our character would be null…

I found this acronym for Focus whilst surfing the internet.  FOCUS could stand for “Follow on Course Until Successful”.   Brian Tracey once stated that if you could focus all of your attention on a watch face without diversion or distraction for an entire minute, you could accomplish anything you want in life”.   When I think of focus I am reminded of the laser beam.  The word LASER is also an acronym that stands for Light Amplification by Stimulated Emissions of Radiation.   When the marvellous power of light is compressed and shot through a laser it becomes incredibly powerful.  So powerful in fact, that the laser beam can cut through solid steel.   In the same way, when we as human beings focus all of our attention in a direction we become a powerful force in the universe.   The question is how do we do this?  How do we focus wholeheartedly on one thing without diversion or distraction?   One may think that the answer to this question is practice.  The answer for some could be to double your effort.  The answer to another could be commitment.   Practice, effort and commitment will help, however all of…

As we travel through life each of us has to deal with feelings of loneliness.  These feeling may result from loss of a loved one, separation from friends or a situation in which a person may feel disconnected from people in their lives. Relationships are vital to our feeling connected with others and enjoying a happy and productive life.  It is interesting to me that some men and women comment that they do not have any friends.  They do not really know how to connect with other people, or how to establish a long term relationship.   Others can connect with other people in the short term, however they feel like they cannot maintain a long term relationship.  For yet others there seems to be no necessity in their mind to connect with others.  There is no driving passion compelling them to have rich friendships. Wherever you are on your journey in life, if there are ever feelings of loneliness, I believe that this feeling is prompted by a yearning in our soul to have deep and rich relationships. I have learned about really connecting with the people in our lives.  What I have recently become aware of is that experiences…

I spoke with a man who stated that he continually makes jokes about other people in front of them that are inappropriate. These jokes are far from malicious as he is a wonderful man and really cares for others, however he described that there is a switch in his mind that is activated when he makes an attempt to draw people close to him. What ends up happening instead is that he can offend and hurt others feelings, thereby causing distance in his interpersonal relationships. These actions are born of insecurity. Rather than silence he feels the need to speak to fill that silence. As I was listening to him describe this situation I recognised a need to be accepted, loved and connection with other people. Offending people in this way is antisocial. While innocent in his intent, the fact remains that this need for love and connection is driving him to speak and act in adverse ways, and this is producing the opposite effect in his world. Once trust is broken and offence received he has to work twice as hard to reestablish this connection with others. I wanted to help and decided that a swish pattern could be…

Some time ago my wife and I attended a relationship “strengthening marriage” seminar. After completing the course we explained to a family friend that we did this course. The response was very interesting. This person said, “oh, I did not know that you were having marriage difficulties”. This was an interesting response. When I replied that we were not having problems, the person looked perplexed. The prevalence of this perception is really concerning. The mechanical world understands the need for tune ups and prevention checks. Car services are not only done to change oil, but to check brake pads, lights, tyres, and other moving parts.  Very few cars break down on the highway when regular car services are performed. So why did my wife and I participate in the “strengthening marriage course”. Well this is not the first course we have done together and it will not be the last.  While at the “strengthening marriage course”, the facilitator asked what activities you can do together as a couple. Other couples gave standard answers like hold hands.  Sit together and talk. Go out to dinner.  Go to the movies. I then explained to the other couples that my wife and I…

My father in Law took occasion to share with me some sad news.  He told me of a man that he had known personally, who was now dead.  He had committed suicide. He explained to me that this death was a shock to everyone who knew him.  His reasons for committing suicide were unclear and the family was left to deal with the results.  His wife was distraught over the act, and was left to question the relationship, the family left behind and everything in their lives. While this created stress and hardship, there were other issues.  You see the man had two families.  He had divorced years earlier and the remarried.  He had children to his first marriage and also to his second. What increased the stress at this difficult time was the fact that the man did not have a will.  He did not have anything in place to protect and preserve his current wife and children.  He stated that the current wife had come to see him.  She was not only suffering grief from the loss of her husband, but the first wife had begun proceedings to secure the man’s inheritance. My father in law used this…

A couple of weeks ago I met with a young girl who explained to me that she was in a bit of trouble.  She was in trouble with the courts because she had stolen her mother’s car.  As I was speaking to this young lady I asked her about the relationship she has with her mother.  She explained to me that all her mother cares about is the foster children that she is looking after. I asked her why she stole the car.  She was unable to answer this question. I explained to her that I believe that all of us want to be loved and accepted.  I then asked her “do you think that you stole the car because you wanted your mothers’ attention?  Do you think that you may have done it because deep down you want your mother to love you. She thought about this for a time and then said, “Yes, I guess you are right”.  I then asked her how it was working out for her.  I asked her if her action had the desired result.  The look on her face indicated that her attempts to get her mother to show her love, really did…