I have been thinking recently of something I once heard from a religious leader by the name of Gordon Hinkley say.
I’ve tried to look up this quote on the internet, yet have been unable to find it. My memory is excellent and it was such a bold statement that I committed it to memory straight away. The comment is this, “if every man and every woman would do everything they could to look after the needs of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any divorce”.
I have thought about this quote a great deal over the past several months. Since the establishment of AccessWorldSeminars my focus has not been on my relationship as my number 1 priority. I certainly have not been doing all I could to ensure that the needs of my wife are being met.
The first thing I needed to do, was uncover the needs of Rebecca my wife. I began to studying the needs of a woman, and the needs of a man. As I studied I found conflicting opinions, yet I soon discovered some needs that actually work in almost all situations, and with almost all women. These are fundamental principles that I believe will work to strengthen every relationship. The needs of a man and the needs of a woman are different. This should not surprise us. This has to do with the masculine and feminine energy and also the unique perspective that exists between the sexes.
I do not have a crystal ball, neither do I believe that these needs are everything, or that this is the only way to have a great relationship. I do ask you however to read with an inquisitive mind and to consider the possibility that these ideas that will transform a poor relationship into a good one. These principles will transform a good relationship into a great one. It will transform a great relationship into a phenomenal one.
At the heart of most marriage breakdowns is selfishness. It is often a result of low emotional intelligence coupled with selfish or egocentric desires. This could be from one or the other, or sometimes both. With a relationship or marriage breaks down, the separation or divorce usually brings pain. This pain may be the result of resentment, anger or other negative emotions. I’m not going to talk about the healing process now, however I will talk about this at another time.
If one fails to focus on their relationship, or give it the needed attention, then the relationship will deteriorate. Alternately, with focus and effort an intimate relationship can be enriching, fulfilling and passionate. In order to create such a relationship we need to discover the needs of our partner, and take action to meet those needs. As we consistently over time meet the needs of our lover, a rich and rewarding relationship is established. Focusing on the needs of the other requires sacrifice, yet I can promise that friendship will deepen, and the bonds of love will strengthen.
Let’s jump into the needs of a man. Men are simple. I was with a group of police and I asked a female officer what the three needs of a man are. She replied, “sex, sex,and sex”. There was some laughter in the room and then I explained the needs of a man as follows.
A man needs respect. He must know that you respect who is he is and what he does for you and the family. The second need is peace. A man needs peace in his life. He wants to know that he can come home and not walk into world war 3. Other situations may be outside of his control, however from his companion he wants peace. Nothing makes a man want to spend more time at the office than a nagging wife. The third need is intimacy. Men want that special attention that only their lover can provide.
Needs of a Man.
Woman on the other hand they have 5 needs, because they are more complicated. The first need is to feel beautiful. Here I am talking about beauty inside and out. Knowing that their lover is physically attracted to them is vitally important, yet so is a man who is attracted to her nature and spirit. The second need is the need to feel listened to. It is very well known that most women want and need to talk. Women also want you to hear what they are not saying. Women will expect that their lover to think about and take the time to decipher what is said. They must be like detectives to uncover what is meant. This leads us to the next point. Women need to feel understood. This is why those recurring conversations happen. She needs to feel like her man understands. Next, a woman needs to feel safe and secure. She needs to feel safe knowing that your loyalty is with her. She wants to feel safe that her man will fully respect her desires and feelings. Uncontrolled anger that leads to verbal a use or physical violence will never satisfy her need to feel safe. She needs the security of being provided for physically and emotionally. Finally a woman needs to feel loved.
Needs of a Woman.
2/ listened to.
4/ safe and secure.
Think about this carefully. Firstly selfishly, then unselfishly. How would you feel if all of your needs were taken care of? How would your partner feel if all of their needs were being met? How would you feel if your partner was not taking care of your needs? How do you think your partner would feel if you neglected their needs?
Here is a great lesson for men. Here is the grand secret. Women are beautiful, kind, generous and wonderful. They are natural nurturers. I tell men to emotionally look after the woman in their life. If you fulfil the needs of the women in your life, I promise you that you will be a very happy man.
Sometimes we have a situation where one person in the relationship is unwilling to look after the needs of the other. If one or the other, or both find themselves feeling empty, don’t quit. Be patient, and work together. Give yourself every chance, make a conscious choice. stick with it.
The ideal is love. Love is not concerned with instant gratification. Love is patient, and understands that consistent long term commitment is the key to a strong and lasting friendship, and a happy and fulfilling marriage.
I would like to thank my wife for the wonderful marriage and close friendship. She is wonderful, lovely and I love her with all my heart. She is my number one priority in this life and I love her perspective and council. I also wish that more people in this world get to experience what we have, and this is one of the reasons why I now hold relationship workshops.